Living With A Visible Difference – My Personal Story

Living with a Visible Difference

 

Wishing all my patients, colleagues, and upcoming trainees a really healthy 2023.

Entering into 2023 there is a renewed spirit and sense of hope that ‘things will get better’. The year 2022 was hard for so many people, whether because of finances, illness or bereavement; there has been a lot of pain and suffering and I hope that eases as we make our way through 2023.

For me, I got an insight into what it’s like living with a Visible Difference when after approximately 25 years of being eczema free on my face, I began to get a small patch on my cheek, followed by a larger patch across my eye, running down through my cheek and lips and covering my chin.

I wrote this one day in November 2022 but haven’t felt able to put it out there. Maybe now is the right time.

My personal story

I have been studying the psychology of Visible Differences for most of my adult life. I speak with clinical psychologists, I speak with patients daily and I read, learn and discuss. I know that often it’s the daily questions that bother people, having to explain themselves, noticing that everyone looks at the difference, feeling self-conscious, embarrassed, and exhausted with explanations.

But now I’m getting to experience it.

I have eczema. My arms are covered with it but those I can hide with gloves, bandages, sleeves, etc. Now it is on my face.

At first, whilst it was just a patch on my cheek, I felt able to manage it. I could wear a mask most of the time, even though no one else was anymore. That covered most of it. Brilliant, I can cover myself up with a mask at work, and when out shopping for food. Everything else I cancelled, all social engagements, anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary. That was manageable. After a few months, it got worse. It travelled up to my eyes. They became swollen, dry, cracked, and sore. So very sore, and I really couldn’t hide it anymore. My resolve broke. I couldn’t stop crying, I felt ill, I felt exhausted. When was this going to end?

I was ripping my arms and hands apart with the itching, my skin was so red and inflamed. I started to wonder if it was indeed eczema, maybe it was shingles, maybe it was Scarlett Fever (as my niece was poorly with it), and I finally phoned the doctors. They saw me immediately causing me to think it may be something else. I thought with hope, maybe I could take some tablets and just get rid of it. I was desperately hoping it was anything else. The doctor examined me and knew immediately it was indeed eczema. A really bad case, he hadn’t seen a case as bad as this for a long time.

Devastation hit, I knew I couldn’t just get rid of it, I’d have to continue to live with it. It may keep going for months, even years. I didn’t know how long I could manage it. I was gutted. Yes, the doctor gave me medication and creams, but that only suppresses it, and I know from experience that it just comes out somewhere else. Once I got over my tears and my fear, I slowly started to realise I was living with a visible difference.

Worth a read: Men with Visible Differences

How we view ourselves

 

Oh, here is a lesson for you, I thought. Here’s how to learn even more about your patients. How do I feel?
I felt mortified. Embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to look at me at all. I couldn’t bear to be seen, every single fibre in my being wanted to hide away. It didn’t matter what good friends said, whether they thought it was visible or not, it was so much bigger than that in my mind. I was overwhelmed and desperate to hide. It was very interesting the difference between the perception of myself and others’ perception of how I looked.  I think that took me a little closer to understanding that however we view others, whatever we see in others, it is how the individual views themself that matters.

So how does someone manage this every day? I’m exhausted after a few months of it. What if this was something that would never go away? What if I had to live with this every day for the rest of my life?

That is what my patients go through. That is what they tell me, what they explain to me, and what they discuss with me. I thought I understood them, I could empathise, and I cared. But I didn’t truly understand on a deeper level. And even now, I know that one day my eczema will go away. I have that as security. Many many people don’t. Many people know that its forever, and that is a hard pill to swallow.

Time to be grateful

It is with gratitude that I thank my father’s long-time friend Joni who has managed to guide me on a few occasions to a better outcome. After visiting a Chinese Medicine clinic my eczema is now 80-90% cleared. That happened in one week – it was miraculous, and continues to be so. Yes, I have to follow a strict diet, use a different cream – which is amazing – take some Chinese herbs, but seriously it is nothing short of miraculous.

This comes at a time when I’m about to start teaching students, and one of the main principles of my business is that the patient comes first. This includes their expectations, their perception, and their well-being. Visible Difference information is a stand-alone module within my training and is just as important as the practical and technical skills I teach. I’m grateful for 2022 and all it taught me.

If you are interested to find out more about patient care, offering the best medical tattoo treatments, and looking after your clients on a long-term basis, send me an email to info@raedenman.co.uk to register your interest in the new RD-MT Scar Training.